When it comes to relationships, negativity is perhaps one of the worst fiends that has the capability to ruin and shatter even the happiest relationship. And when it comes to marriage – which itself comes with its own responsibilities and issues – negativity is perhaps the last thing that you wish to come between you and your partner.
Negativity can impact your marriage in ways more than one. It may come across as cynicism, rebukes, pessimism, discontent and a myriad of other behavioral patterns, which sadly most of us have normalized as being part and parcel of married life.
But lady, let me tell you one thing. In a beautiful marriage, there might be little tiffs – like which cuisine to have for dinner – but absolutely no space for ego and arguments arising out of sexual, emotional, professional and physical frustrations.
If you feel your married life has been paused in an uncomfortable space due to negativity, this article is perfect for you. Here we talk about a few ways you can keep negativity out of your married life, and be content in your conjugal space –
1. Never Underestimate the Power of Expressing
Often unexpressed thoughts and desires create a vacuum between you and your partner. And you don’t even understand when this vacuum gets filled with negativity and harshness.
Cynicism and rebukes become regular realities, which you would want to avoid in any kind of relationship.
So sisters, talk to your partner and express your thoughts. Also, let your partners express their thoughts as well.
If you think there is already enough negativity in your marriage, it is better to discuss this upfront so that you guys can take measures to prevent your marriage from hitting the rock bottom.
2. Is It You or Your Partner, Who’s Bringing in Negativity?
No person ever wishes to lead a conjugal life full of negativity. Yet, it is known to affect marriages. Negativity mostly arises out of insecurities, both personal and professional.
Make an effort to understand the root cause of negativity in your relationships. Self-analysis here might be of great help.
If you find yourself to be insecure about something, you can discuss it with your partner or consult a therapist.
Similarly, if you find your partner to be harboring insecurities, the first thing you need is to talk about it. We promise it might solve half of your tension, if not full.
3. Meditation May be of Great Help
Meditation is known to have immense spiritual healing and relaxing properties. It is neither any medication not does it require you to spend some obnoxious amount of time and money.
Just a few minutes of practicing mindfulness through meditation is good enough to calm your nerves and stir the negative feelings and thoughts away.
4. Look at Your Partner’s Positive Sides
When said “Yes” to your partner, there must have been numerous reasons why you decided to take a leap. Life is no movie that you fall for a person’s smile so much that you end up getting married.
So, remind yourself of those happy bygone days – what made you fall for your partner – cherish the qualities in your partner rather than finding faults.
A great way to do so is going through old photographs from your relationship together – rekindling fond memories of being happy in each other’s arms and loving each other despite the flaws.
5. Don’t Overreact if Your Partner Refuses to Accept Help
If you feel the negativity emanates from your spouse and you have even tried talking about it but always heard a no for trying to help, do not overreact.
Not everyone can accept being the perpetrator of negativity – it takes time. Try and act mature in such circumstances, and change the topic to something positive and happy.
Of course, it is easier said than done but trying this as against rebukes will eventually take you guys through more fights and unhappiness.
6. Take Note of Dr. Gottman’s “Magic Ratio”
According to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, 5:1 is a magic ratio that every couple should strive for. This ratio means nothing but the fact that a couple must strive to find at least five positive feelings or actions to every instance of negativity.
If you are a couple, who really love each other and are fighting against the sudden eruption of negativity in your life, you might garner much value from this theory.
7. Seek Professional Help
Last but not least: if you think that despite having put in serious effort, an equilibrium is still out of sight, don’t hesitate to seek help from professional psychologists and/or relationship experts.
Marriages often tend to go haywire despite both the partners trying hard not to disrupt its balance. In such circumstances, nothing works better than professional therapies.
Apart from this, reading self-help books and listening to podcasts on relationships have also been heard to help a lot. However, remember no solution can help abusive and uninterested couples. So, keep the heart in place while you try to work your marriage around.